Money Jokes.
Sep. 30th, 2017 12:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
olindom Q: What does one penny say to the other penny?
A: Let's get together and make some cents.
***
Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A: a $100 bill!
***
Q: What is Barack Obama's new slogan in these tough times?
A: Spare Change You Can Believe In!
***
If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?
***
Q: What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs?
A: A penny.
***
Q: When does it rain money?
A: When there is "change" in the weather.
***
Q: Two coins add up to 30 cents, and one is not a nickel. What are they?
A: A quarter and a nickel. The quarter isn't a nickel.
***
Q: Why don't cows have any money?
A: Because farmers milk them dry.
***
Son: "Mom, can I get twenty bucks?"
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money ?
Son: "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"
***
Q: Why did the man think he saw a ghost on Halloween?
A: A kid dressed up as a 401 (K) .
***
Q: Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?
A: Because it had more cents.
***
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
***
Q: What did the midget say when I asked him for a dollar?
A: "Sorry, I'm a little short"
***
Q: What book do women like the most?
A: "Their husbands checkbook!"
***
Q: Why is there no gold at the end of the rainbow?
A: The Leprechan took it and sold it to Cash4Gold!
***
Q: Why are guys calling information in Bangkok?
A: To save money on phone sex!
***
Q: What happens when you give 61 dollars to a blonde?
A: She wants 8 (ate) more.
***
Q: How much money does a skunk have?
A: One scent!
***
Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money?
A: I'm paw!
***
Q: What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in Vegas?
A: When you get off the plane walk into the propellers!
***
Q: What do you call an Asian who's good at stock picking?
A: Cha-Chng
***
Q: Why is divorce so expensive?
A: Because it's worth it.
***
Q: How did the Banker die?
A: He Cashed Out
***
Q: Where do seagulls invest their money?
A: In the stork market!
***
Q: What do corn use for money?
A: Corn "Bread."
***
Q: Who makes more money a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A: A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack, and sell it again!
***
Q: Why did Bank Of America want to return all the government bailout money ASAP?
A: Because they were upset at all the hidden fees.
***
Q: Why do Jewish guys watch porno movies backwards?
A: They like the part where the hooker gives the money back
***
Q: What's the difference between Former Mayor of Detroit, Kwame Kilpatrick, and a prostitute?
A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.
***
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
***
Q: What do fish use for money?
A: Sand dollars!
***
Q: Where does a fish keep his money
A: In the River Bank!
***
Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.
***
Whoever said money can't buy happiness, simply didn't know where to shop.
***
When I have money, I have nothing to buy.
When I don't have money, I want everything.
***
Money is not the root of all evil, Jealousy is.
***
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
***
A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and it taint mine.
***
One dollar said to the other, our love does not makes cents it makes dollars.
***
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
***
The other day I went to the ATM and this old woman asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
***
If money is the root of all evil, then why do they ask for it in church?
A: Let's get together and make some cents.
***
Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A: a $100 bill!
***
Q: What is Barack Obama's new slogan in these tough times?
A: Spare Change You Can Believe In!
***
If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?
***
Q: What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs?
A: A penny.
***
Q: When does it rain money?
A: When there is "change" in the weather.
***
Q: Two coins add up to 30 cents, and one is not a nickel. What are they?
A: A quarter and a nickel. The quarter isn't a nickel.
***
Q: Why don't cows have any money?
A: Because farmers milk them dry.
***
Son: "Mom, can I get twenty bucks?"
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money ?
Son: "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"
***
Q: Why did the man think he saw a ghost on Halloween?
A: A kid dressed up as a 401 (K) .
***
Q: Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?
A: Because it had more cents.
***
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
***
Q: What did the midget say when I asked him for a dollar?
A: "Sorry, I'm a little short"
***
Q: What book do women like the most?
A: "Their husbands checkbook!"
***
Q: Why is there no gold at the end of the rainbow?
A: The Leprechan took it and sold it to Cash4Gold!
***
Q: Why are guys calling information in Bangkok?
A: To save money on phone sex!
***
Q: What happens when you give 61 dollars to a blonde?
A: She wants 8 (ate) more.
***
Q: How much money does a skunk have?
A: One scent!
***
Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money?
A: I'm paw!
***
Q: What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in Vegas?
A: When you get off the plane walk into the propellers!
***
Q: What do you call an Asian who's good at stock picking?
A: Cha-Chng
***
Q: Why is divorce so expensive?
A: Because it's worth it.
***
Q: How did the Banker die?
A: He Cashed Out
***
Q: Where do seagulls invest their money?
A: In the stork market!
***
Q: What do corn use for money?
A: Corn "Bread."
***
Q: Who makes more money a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A: A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack, and sell it again!
***
Q: Why did Bank Of America want to return all the government bailout money ASAP?
A: Because they were upset at all the hidden fees.
***
Q: Why do Jewish guys watch porno movies backwards?
A: They like the part where the hooker gives the money back
***
Q: What's the difference between Former Mayor of Detroit, Kwame Kilpatrick, and a prostitute?
A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.
***
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
***
Q: What do fish use for money?
A: Sand dollars!
***
Q: Where does a fish keep his money
A: In the River Bank!
***
Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.
***
Whoever said money can't buy happiness, simply didn't know where to shop.
***
When I have money, I have nothing to buy.
When I don't have money, I want everything.
***
Money is not the root of all evil, Jealousy is.
***
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
***
A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and it taint mine.
***
One dollar said to the other, our love does not makes cents it makes dollars.
***
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
***
The other day I went to the ATM and this old woman asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
***
If money is the root of all evil, then why do they ask for it in church?
