Соль жизни в том, что она - не сахар!

 

Соль жизни в том, что она не сахар.

Недостающую глубину мысли обычно компенсируют её длиной.

Лишь немногие, кого мучает кашель, идут к врачу. Остальные идут в театр.

Возможности медицины безграничны. Ограничены возможности больных.

Цитата: “Три года страна стояла на краю пропасти, и вот, наконец, мы
сделали шаг вперёд”.

Фарш невозможно провернуть назад, И мясо из котлет не восстановишь...
(На мотив известной песни)

Дураков на свете мало. Но расставлены они так грамотно, что
встречаются на каждом шагу.

Найти своё место в жизни легче, чем его занять.

Жить нужно так, чтобы было стыдно рассказать, но приятно вспомнить.

Почему, когда говорят “розыгрыш призов”, все слышат только слово
“призы” и никто не обращает внимания на “розыгрыш”?

Когда он нашёл себе место под солнцем, оно уже заходило.

Если от судьбы удалось уйти, значит, не судьба.

Лапша всегда найдёт свободные уши.

Больше всего врут перед выборами, сексом и после рыбалки.

Не стоит бегать от снайпера - умрёшь уставшим.

Одна голова - хорошо, а две уже некрасиво!

Если руки золотые, то не важно, откуда они растут.

Если вы, посмотрев в зеркало, никого там не увидели, значит, вы неотразимы!

Обходя разложенные грабли, ты теряешь драгоценный опыт!

Беда не в дорогах и не в дураках, а в дураках, указывающих дорогу.

Неудачник - человек, который, сев на стог, обязательно загонит в
задницу иголку...

Никак не могу собраться с мыслями - то я занят, то они!!!

Jokes.

"One Dark Halloween Night..." 

source: http://www.jokes4us.com

 Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap- tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!" 

Trip to Rome.

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,
"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."
"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"
He said, "Where'd you get the terrible haircut? "