Jokes.

[olindom]

 I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance. 

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I’ve been really depressed lately. A friend told me I should go to the petting zoo perhaps, to cheer up. 
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I went today, but not one person would stroke me.

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I forgot my cell phone when I went to the toilet yesterday. We have 245 tiles.

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How many gorillas can fit into a car?

Eight.

How many chickens can fit into the car? 

None, the car is already full of gorillas.

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She: I have a doctor’s appointment today but I really don’t want to go… 
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He: Just call in sick then.

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A girl asks a boy: "Peter, how much do you love me?"

The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."

The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”

Boy nods, "Exactly!"

Read more funny jokes: https://short-funny.com/clean-jokes.php#ixzz5WLFwdHEi