Black Humor. Part 2.

[olindom]

 My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some road-kill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
***
I’ll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon. I mean – you’ve got a gun, haven’t you?!
***
A man wakes from a coma. The wife changes out of her black clothes and irritated, remarks, "I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!"
***
Patient: "Doctor! Doctor! Help me - I cannot feel my legs!"
 Doctor: "Don’t panic, that’s perfectly normal. It’s because I amputated your arms!"
***
Congratulations on your 60th birthday! At last you can live undisturbed by life insurance agents!
***
A meeting of the “Castrated Anonymous”
High-pitched male voice: "Welcome. I hope you all arrived safe and sound."
Deep male voice: "Yes."
High-pitched male voice: "You in the second row, please leave the room right now."
***
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. 
Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.
***
What animal has five legs?
A pitbull returning from a playground.
***
The doctor gave me one year to live. So in the heat of the moment, I shot him. And the judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.