Анекдоты. 17.

 Встречаются в сети два квейкера. Один - другому:
- Ну, как жизнь?
- Да так, процентов тридцать...

---

 4 часа назад 

+1

Во время проведения экзаменов туалет превращается в Святилище знаний.

---

 4 часа назад 

+4

На Сицилии:
- Не арестовывайте меня, я мафиози на службе полиции.
- Именно поэтому я вас арестую. Как полицейский на службе мафии.

---

 5 часов назад 

+2

Хорошо, когда вокруг у всех довольные лица. Значит, в долг никто не попросит.

---

 6 часов назад 

+2

Стоят тихонько два парня в компьютерном магазине, рассматривают коробки с софтом, железяки всякие... Подходит к ним менеджер:
- Могу я вам чем-нибудь помочь?
- Ага. Деньгами.

---

 7 часов назад 

+3

Не старайтесь понять женщину, а то еще не дай бог поймете.

---

 7 часов назад 

+3

- Пишу сайты. Дешево, быстро, профессионально.
- Няшно?
- Ясен пень что няшно! Котят натыкаю куда укажете!

---

 8 часов назад 

+6

Давайте уже ваш декабрь. С ноябрем, понятно, не получилось.

Двоих ведут на расстрел, один предлагает: 
- Давай убежим? 
Второй: 
- А хуже не будет?

---

 1 час назад 

+1

— Доктор у моего мужа х"й не стоит.
— Раздевайтесь и ложитесь.
Доктор пощупал, пощупал: -Вставайте. Ваш муж здоров.
— Откуда вы знаете?
— У меня на вас тоже не стоит.

---

 1 час назад 

 

Одесса. Трое сослуживцев собрались в командировку, одетые, с чемоданами, стоят в прихожей одного из них, вот уже пора выходить. И тут землетрясение. Ну, они выходят.
Двор полон полуодетых людей, кто в бритвенной пене, кто в прозрачном пеньюаре, кто в одеяле. И тут выходят они, одетые и с чемоданами.
Голос:
— Вот, а этих евреев заранее предупредили!

http://vse-shutochki.ru/anekdoty
http://vse-shutochki.ru/anekdoty

Прекрасное.

Взято у zakrit_dver

 - Пионино. Самовывоз. Даром.
- Продайте ее на авито как риоритет
- Можно я заскриню "пиОнино" и "риоритет"? :))

Top 6 Smart-ass Answers.

 Top 6 Smartass Answers

SMARTASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied.

SMARTASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

SMARTASS ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

SMARTASS ANSWER #3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMARTASS ANSWER #2 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, " Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

SMARTASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006 A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

African Roulette.

 A new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat. They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out.
"The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus, we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette."
The American frowned.
"Russian roulette's not a very nice game."
The diplomat smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. "I'll show you how."
He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later, six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in.
"You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told the American.
"That's great," the ambassador said, "but it doesn't seem much like Russian roulette."
"Oh, it is. One of them is a cannibal." 

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/ethnicjokes/africanroulettejoke.html