Oct. 20th, 2017

olindom: (Default)
 Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.
The lady agreed and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared and they got on their way and enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked: "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North."
Yes, I do.
" Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?"
Yes," he said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."

And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry buddy, I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"
No need to apologize, Bob. She just died and left me everything! 


source: http://www.jokes4us.com
olindom: (Default)
 Терпение и труд мне не идут...
 
 
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- Вася, ты все испортил! - Почему это все? - Потому что для живых существ воздух это все!
 
 
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- Я слежу за своей фигурой... 
- И как?
- Она по ночам ходит к холодильнику...
 
 
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Пациент - хирургу:
- Доктор - а Вы, кажется, зашить забыли...
- Ничего страшного - патологоанатому работы меньше будет!
 
 
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В операционной:
- Доктор, мне больно!
- Тихо больной! У нас экзамен
 
 
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В хирургическом отделении на утреннем обходе:
- Ну как вчерашние прооперированные?
- Первый, блин, в коме.
 
 
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Самое полезное животное - это свинья. От нее можно использовать абсолютно все - мясо для пищи, 
- шкуру для кожи, щетину для щеток, название для оскорблений..
 
 
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Судя по всему, Америка станет первой страной, в которой запретят секс из-за ущемления прав импотентов...

Один чиновник говорит другому - и чего нас все ненавидят? Мы же вообще ничего не делаем.
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- Учитель, скажите, что нужно мужчине от женщины?
- Мужчине нужна любовь, внимание, забота, ласка.
- А одним словом?
- Секс.
- А что нужно женщине от мужчины?
- Женщине нужна любовь, внимание, забота, ласка. 
- То есть, тоже секс?
- Нет, деньги.
olindom: (Default)
 3 Greeks and 3 Turks are travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the 3 Turks each buy tickets and watch as the 3 Greeks buy only a  single ticket. "How are 3 people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one Turk. "Watch and you'll see," answers one Greek. They all board the train. The Turks take their respective seats but all three Greeks cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, " Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Turks saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Turks decide to copy the Greeks on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Greeks don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Turk. "Watch and you'll see," answers a Greek. When they board the train the 3 Turks cram into a restroom and the 3 Greeks cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of  the Greeks leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Turks are hiding. He knocks on the  door and says, "Ticket, please." 


source: http://www.jokes4us.com/winnersjokes/3greeksand3turksjoke.html

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